I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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