john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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