I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
