Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
