Duck Duck Cougar?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Pants are for mortals
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
