he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
