So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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