Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
