If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
