Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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