you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
