its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
