Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
