idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
