I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
