I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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