Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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