I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
