as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
