you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
