just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
