I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
