you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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