Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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