Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
