how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
