3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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