textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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