lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
