You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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