I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
