i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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