You made me cry and you don't even care
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize