I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
