I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
