I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
