just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
