FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
