I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
