He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
