I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
