Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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