Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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