let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
