the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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