I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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