...so i touched it.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We need a shit load of segways right now
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
