How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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