Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
