tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
being pregnant is like rehab
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
