A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
