my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
