DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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