people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
