So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
