two words: eviction party
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
