Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
