I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize