i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
