Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
