Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
