whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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