Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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