If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
