I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
