I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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