We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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