the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
