So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
