If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
