lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
